Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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