all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
