He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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