i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
