I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
