maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
