Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
