I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had