Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.

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(315): He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out. http://tfl.nu/k9ox

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(631): View more from New York

I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.

(1-631): View more from New York

I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.

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(631): I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified. (1-631): I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes. http://tfl.nu/l5ui

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(612): View more from Minnesota

and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.

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(612): and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me. http://tfl.nu/2uzy

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.

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(902): Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left. http://tfl.nu/ytq9

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(619): View more from California

He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.

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(619): He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy. http://tfl.nu/8ucs

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(304): View more from West Virginia

I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.

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(304): I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk. http://tfl.nu/30xs

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(989): View more from Michigan

I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.

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(989): I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA. http://tfl.nu/3qxw

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(973): View more from New Jersey

She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?

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(973): She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike? http://tfl.nu/jtxw

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(727): View more from Florida

You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?

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(727): You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you? http://tfl.nu/l34c

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(336): View more from North Carolina

Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.

(850): View more from Florida

This has already gotten way out of hand

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(336): Two words. Shotgunning Cognac. (850): This has already gotten way out of hand http://tfl.nu/ow6e

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(218): View more from Minnesota

There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.

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(218): There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon. http://tfl.nu/foxi

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(251): View more from Alabama

Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.

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(251): Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile. http://tfl.nu/y0n1

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(303): View more from Colorado

I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.

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(303): I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes. http://tfl.nu/8g0z

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(585): View more from New York

He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.

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(585): He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota. http://tfl.nu/2rl1

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(404): View more from Georgia

Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.

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(404): Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become. http://tfl.nu/pcoq

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