you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
