The maid of honor just puked.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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