Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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