I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.