Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.

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(619): i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus. http://tfl.nu/t4dv

Replies (20) Good night (8156) Bad night (836)
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(716): View more from New York

All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.

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(716): All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world. http://tfl.nu/xqix

Replies (10) Good night (943) Bad night (2045)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".

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(919): Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me". http://tfl.nu/jl9f

Replies (210) Good night (32160) Bad night (3037)
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(760): View more from California

new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.

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(760): new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever. http://tfl.nu/8efz

Replies (33) Good night (648) Bad night (8084)
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(310): View more from California

i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.

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(310): i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito. http://tfl.nu/9mvh

Replies (15) Good night (4570) Bad night (1030)
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(281): View more from Texas

so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.

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(281): so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better. http://tfl.nu/ybcl

Replies (8) Good night (4029) Bad night (1278)
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(720): View more from Colorado

I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was

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(720): I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was http://tfl.nu/iq7q

Replies (58) Good night (16780) Bad night (2029)
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(617): View more from Massachusetts

She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.

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(617): She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl. http://tfl.nu/oaik

Replies (48) Good night (8795) Bad night (1258)
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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans

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(484): you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans http://tfl.nu/5hx4

Replies (7) Good night (3114) Bad night (768)
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(315): View more from New York

The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.

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(315): The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/v27u

Replies (3) Good night (2804) Bad night (814)
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(530): View more from California

I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.

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(530): I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time. http://tfl.nu/t4yt

Replies (16) Good night (2374) Bad night (936)
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(831): View more from California

maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick

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(831): maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick http://tfl.nu/1wa4

Replies (3) Good night (688) Bad night (1393)
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(719): View more from Colorado

You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians

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(719): You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians http://tfl.nu/35a3

Replies (3) Good night (2153) Bad night (672)
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(330): View more from Ohio

She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.

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(330): She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager. http://tfl.nu/suup

Replies (5) Good night (1248) Bad night (584)
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(913): View more from Kansas

did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom

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(913): did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom http://tfl.nu/xnj2

Replies (5) Good night (1934) Bad night (404)

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