my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.