babies were throwing up all over the place
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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