im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.