I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
