dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Panties = found
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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