Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
