Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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