Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
