Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
