I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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