I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
