so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
