if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
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i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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