Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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