i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
