we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
