She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
