I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I would ride that face into the sunset
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
