I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
