I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
