absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Plan B is the new Plan A
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
