just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
