The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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