I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
