I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
