Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
