Barsexuality is the new black.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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