she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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