Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
