My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
