I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
