ugly people sure do ruin things
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize