dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
