I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
