He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think my moral compass just broke
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