she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
