did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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