woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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