we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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