is your mom at the bar?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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