No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Threesome in a minivan. New low
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
