hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
