mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
