apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
