is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Randomize
