She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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