Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
