I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
