since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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