She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
