Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
