She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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