Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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