I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
