She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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