i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
