I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
