I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
