Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
