My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
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