i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
