I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
