her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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