Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
