i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
