Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
