would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
