last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Found your dick twin last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
