i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
